Of Cabbages and Kings
A and B are two individuals sitting in the mall arguing. A says,“America is addicted.”
B counters, “What are you talking about? Not me, I’m not addicted.”
A points a finger in B’s face, “Yes you are. Do you want to do without your coffee for breakfast?”
B: “Coffee? Well, of course not. It helps me wake up. Lots of people depend on their coffee.”
A: “Let’s dig deeper. Remember the Ambien you snuck into your pocket when the doctor--?”
B: “Hey! You’re not being fair. I kinda crave the stuff, that’s all. What the doctor don’t know, don’t hurt him.”
A: “How much of that stuff have you had in the last couple of months?”
B: “Cut it out, will you?”
A: “O.K. Simmer down. I’m just asking you to think about it. Ever heard about David Kuplian?”
B: “No, and I don’t want to.”
A: “He’s managing editor of WND. That stands for World Net Daily. And he’s the editor of Whistle Blower. That’s a monthly news magazine. I just read one of his recent articles. He said, “So extreme has American’s drug dependence become, it’s hard to tell which is more devastating, the drug culture of gangs and cartels, criminal pushers and strung-out addicts, or the wildly out-of-control psychiatric drug bureaucracy, which labels almost every problem large or small as a mental illness or personality disorder and in response writes patients hundreds of millions of prescriptions for unpredictable and poorly understood mind-altering drugs that profoundly alter our brain chemistry.”
B: “You and your high falootin’ preaching, talking about brain chemistry. I’ve had enough. I’m getting out of here.”
A: “Good-bye. You’re going to miss my talk show in just a couple minutes.”
A slips into his chair at station KDNT, Radio KID-U-NOT, and says, “Welcome to Cheney, folks. Here’s the news for today. Marijuana will soon be processed, made ready for consumption, and offered as recreation. It’s one of those ‘Try it. You’ll like it’ things. I won’t mention such things, as within minutes after smoking pot there are medical and emotional effects. And if you keep at it (many drugs are designed to help you want to keep at it) you can tell your family why you’re so confused and don’t care if you sleep the day away.”
We can’t blame the city of Cheney for wanting to reach out, to grow, to expand. However, there are other, better solutions. Mr. Kuplian said, “Since Colorado and Washington legalized marijuana a raft of other states are clamoring to be next.” I suppose you can say we’re ahead of the pack.
Even Lady Gaga got into the fray. She is telling everybody, “I smoke a lot of pot when I write music.” To those of you who care, will you please tell Lady Gaga that I can write better music than she can and I don’t have to have a befuddled mind to do it. Thank you.
Luella Dow is a Cheney-area author. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.