A second chance to make a difference for others

The voices in Kevin Hines' head regularly told him to kill himself.

Finally, 14 years ago at age 19, Hines decided to do something about it and take the 746-foot plunge over the rail of the nearby Golden Gate Bridge and end it all in the chilly waters of San Francisco Bay.

Problem was he beat the long, long odds and somehow became one of only 2 percent to survive the jump. Just 33 of the over 1,600 people who decided to end it all since the iconic bridge opened March 27, 1937 have survived.

With a second chance at life now at hand, Hines has since devoted his days to taking his message on mental illness and suicide to people across the nation, as he did Jan. 13 at Eastern Washington University.

His message was about a childhood spent on the edge.

"I went from a very dangerous infancy where my birth brother died because of the neglect and drugs that my birth parents did, and the mental illness that they had," Hines said.

His adoption into the Hines' family - parents Patrick and Debbie - likely saved his life. But at 17 and a half, Hines said, "I ended up getting very sick mentally."

"I had a complete mental breakdown in front of a lot of people," Hines explained. He ended up wondering what was going on? He had bipolar disorder, the same disease his biological parents had.

His family did not know what to do and everyone was in denial, Hines said. "I don't have bipolar disease, I don't know what it is."

Bipolar has no cure, but it does have treatment. "I utilize all kinds of therapies," Hines said.

Some were not the kind doctors prescribed.

Hines would cope by binge drinking until he blacked out. Add to this being on psychiatric medication and it's extremely dangerous.

His situation was compounded even further when Hines' favorite teacher in high school committed suicide. "I'd rather say he died by suicide," Hines said. "We don't commit this act, it's not a crime."

Hines attended Arch Bishop Riordan High School in San Francisco where he was a standout athlete, a wrestling champion and member of student government.

"All these regular extracurricular activities, I was involved in all of it, and then I came crashing down," Hines said.

At 19, after cycling between mania - the highs - and depression - the lows - and doing so every week, Hines came to the realization, in his mind at least, "I had to die," he said.

"I was compelled, literally, by voices in my head, that were screaming at the top of their lungs if you will; voices in my head that I couldn't shut off or shut down, screaming in my head that I had to die," Hines said.

That is what brought him to the bridge. The jump itself is an experience he chooses not to discuss in detail. "It gets a little bit tired," he said.

"Yes I did jump off the Golden Gate Bridge," Hines said. "Yes, I survived." His injuries were severe, including shattered vertebrae. The physical therapy was long and painful. "Getting full mobility is extremely rare if one does survive the fall."

But Hines has made the best of his second chance, despite its uncertain start.

His epiphany, both literally and figuratively, came after attending church one day with his father.

"'Hey Kevin, how'd you like to come and talk to our kids on Good Friday?'" Hines recalled the parish priest asking. "I just looked at him and said, 'about what to who?'" His dad assured the priest his son would do it.

Hines was terrified, a novice speaker reading from a paper. "I was crying," he said. "In my head I'm thinking 'this isn't going to help a soul.'"

Then he got letters back from kids who told Hines they were actively suicidal and his talk helped. "It gave me the opportunity to pave a new path in my life." Hines spoke 85 times in 2014.

"In thinking about it I should have died 14 years ago on Sept. 5 and I didn't," Hines said. "That allowed me to eventually fall into my destiny."

He spoke of the well-publicized suicide death of actor Robin Williams in 2014 in Marin County - ironically just across the Golden Gate - and how he touched so many lives.

"But what about the other 83 people in America that died of suicide that day?" Hines asked. "Why aren't we talking about them?"

Paul Delaney can be reached at pdelaney@cheneyfreepress.com.